My Jar is Open
Recently, my company had an employee drawing to win a pair of tickets to a production of The Secret Life of Bees at the Bushnell Center for Performing Arts, which is a few blocks away from my office. I was ecstatic when I was one of the winners, and immediately contacted my best friend to invite her to come with me. I invited her because we always have such a good time together (I know she loves it when we do artsy things like this) and because the subject matter looked like it was something that would be good for bonding ~ the end of the synopsis said, “Exploring themes of maternal loss and betrayal, guilt and forgiveness, and a young woman’s independence, Lily discovers the real meaning of family.”
She and I were both disappointed when, the night before the performance, she had to cancel. So the morning of the performance, I called all my friends who I thought might enjoy it, yet none of them were able to go, either. Finally, I got up the ovaries to call my own mother. I knew it would be a very different experience to see a play like that with her than it would be with a sister-friend ~ however, I was open to it. Initially, she sounded enthusiastic, but reserved making a decision until after speaking with my father about it. She called me back shortly, explaining that she had not had a chance to speak with him, but she had read the synopsis online and decided that she didn’t want to go with me, because the play just didn’t sound interesting to her.
So with a heavy heart and the clock ticking, I contacted the woman at work who had organized the drawing. I explained that I couldn’t use my extra ticket, and that rather than have it go to waste, I’d like to give it to someone else who had entered the drawing. She was surprised, but appreciative, and said she’d make some calls. Later in the afternoon, she came to pick up my extra ticket, and told me she would give it to Emma, the other woman who’d won a pair of tickets, and that Emma was able to bring another friend.
I worked late, ate dinner by myself in the city, and moved my car to the Bushnell’s parking lot ~ all the while, making little wagers with myself so that I’d have an excuse to just go home (If I’m too tired, I’ll just go home ~ If I can’t find it by 6:45, I’ll just go home.) But one way or another, I felt fine, and I got there on time, so I went to it ~ and, it was the best play I’ve ever seen!
One of the central themes was having your jar open ~ a little girl has some bees in a jar, but when she unscrews the top, they don’t seem to realize that they’re free to go, and they don’t leave their little glass prison. Eventually, the girl realizes how to free herself from her own prison of Self doubt and guilt, and declares at the end, “I wake up to wonder every day. My jar is open.” Having been brought along on her whole journey of discovery with her, I found that ending tremendously freeing. Yet paradoxically, short-sightedly, the sweetness of that conclusion was still somewhat tainted and diminished by my lingering feelings of rejection and loneliness.
As I walked to my car, I was behind a group of three women, who like the rest of the crowd, were raving about the show. One of them said to another, “That was so incredible! Emma, thank you so much for inviting me! When you called me this afternoon…” I couldn’t believe I was actually behind the woman who had received my extra ticket. Suddenly, my prison bars melted away. My jar had opened to reveal a wonderful night, even more so now with the understanding of how much it was enjoyed and appreciated by that woman. I got into my car, said, “Thank You,” to The Universe, “for showing me that,” and I flew away.
Posted in -Estara, Contributing Writers | May 16, 2007
May 16th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Estara, your story makes me think of trusting in The Universe to provide what is needed. Lately, my frustration level has been very high in dealing with personal situations. I’m learning though to relax and let go ~ once I’ve done what I feel is right ~ and then just give it up to The Universe. Amazingly, when I do this, the outcome seems to just happen, and it may or may not be how I thought it would end up, but it is surprisingly better.
Like our cars, sometimes we are vehicles ~ and perhaps you were the vehicle in service to Emma’s friend, who really needed to see this play ~ for whatever the reason.
Wonderful wonderful story!
May 16th, 2007 at 9:29 am
I admit that I have been “going with the flow”, but have been experiencing a bit of confusion about The Universe’s Interpretation and Delivery System of “our Family’s Needs” lately.
I do have in my belief system that we Get What We Need and that “giving it over” is Right To Do.
I also do believe that I can’t just sit back and wait to have all of my needs fulfilled by external cosmic / spiritual sources. It is important to be an active participate in my earth plan experience!
Last year, after a decade of extreme financial challenges, for the first time, we finally started going in a good direction of financially being able to take care of our family; to nearly get the monthly expenses almost paid.
Our business began to grow. There was a little light peeking out behind those dark clouds! We appreciated it…weren’t arrogant about it…offered Thankfulness for what was presented.
Then, this year, our just-beginning-to-thrive business dropped faster than the Tower of Terror at Disney World, but with as much effect on the equilibrium!
At the same time, my Mom, who shares our home, took a Very Dramatic Turn health and independence-wise. Her needs for care and companionship ballooned. We can no longer leave her alone and much of our day is given to providing various service to her.
I recognize the sudden lack of business as a Gift From The Universe, to allow time and energy to provide for her. And I am thankful for both the ability to be of service to my mom, and also for The Universe providing the opportunity (which I know will not be forever in place).
My confusion results in why The Universe doesn’t give me any hints about getting the mortgage paid or food on the table, let alone putting aside anything for the ovens and cooktop, doors, and other Missing amenities” we’ve lived without for 6 years, but still long for the “convenience” of!
I DO believe in Allowing The Universe to Provide What is Needed.
I DO believe in Patience.
And in Listening….
In Relaxing and Letting Go….
So we, as a family, keep “going with the flow”, while taking opportunities as they are presented.
….The inkling of confusion remains, but doesn’t overwhelm…..
We continue to Trust and Be Patient and “Listen”.
But hasn’t The Universe ever heard of Ed McMahon Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes????!!!
May 16th, 2007 at 10:39 am
~ For Rimuna ~
I would not presume to know what you’re going through with all your current family’s lessons, but I’m confident The Universe has a Grand Plan ~ of which we are not privy to on a conscious level. It is only when you have faith and listen to Self for the next move that you will feel peace with all this.
By the way, this all too easy to say! Energy forms on the earth plane (alas, including Elijah and me) are currently experiencing much acceleration, so our lessons are intense ~ whether it be health, financial, or otherwise. Having trust and faith in the face of adversities can make one stronger and more resolute in their affairs, if that makes any sense. Sometimes The Universe does throw you “hints” but the key here, I think, is in learning to listen to Self for what these hints actually are.
Love to you, from Buema
May 16th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
~ Also for Rimuna ~
I am a firm believer that when I can turn down the distractions and get myself into state at some point shortly after that, ideas come in. I used to ignore or often forget them. Now I am more open to them and where appropriate, they lead to action. Your description about your slowing business and you ailing mother was a great example.
So what do you want? From that the “what you need to do” can reveal itself.
Estara:
Thanks for sharing your experience. The Universe was definitely chiming in when you bumped into those three women. Winning those tickets caused you to reach out, to be thoughtful and to experience a neat show. Everyone is so caught up these days that I’ve gradually reset my expectations about getting together. It works when it works
May 17th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Buema,
That led to my second big Aha! moment: that we are all where we need to be. My friends and family didn’t need to be there that night, and so they weren’t. It was not something I needed to take personally and dwell on, and I was where I needed to be, to be graciously shown a glimpse of something that simultaneously hit that point home and cheered me up. Sometimes I am just blown away by the patience and kindness I receive.
There were so many realizations going through my head when I understood what had happened to my ticket. One of the two major ones was, as you mentioned, that I was the unknowing vehicle of service to Emma’s friend. Concrete proof of that abstract idea that we are really all one ~ I didn’t know Emma, or how to get in touch with her, so I wouldn’t have been able to play my part in everything without reaching out to a larger circle of people. And I never would have known what had happened, if I didn’t “just happen” to be walking behind them all on the way out of the theater.
May 17th, 2007 at 9:14 am
As Estara wrote
“We are all where we need to be”
ULTIMATELY!!!
It is THIS precept and belief,
…along with believing that THE UNIVERSE DOES PROVIDE
…and that there is a Great Plan - not a finitely written script, but possibilities that allow for change and free will,
Which KEEPS ME SANE!
It is the reason why I am not sitting around feeling depressed and frightened every moment of life.
But actually laugh and enjoy and like the earth plane experience of human life!
I HAVE A TRUST
I AM EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO BE ~ ULTIMATELY!
And in that, I might not always enjoy “Where I Be” on a concrete level
But, on a spiritual level, what goes on is what is needed to go on for some reason that I may or may not ever understand, concretely, in this life time
Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!!!!
GOING WITH THE FLOW-
)
TRUSTING THE UNIVERSE
KEEPING THE JAR OPEN AND PAYING ATTENTION TO THE OPEN-NESS
Are “good habits” ~ part of who I am, without needing to think about it or work to make it so (almost all of the time….guess who is going to get tested now???!!!
I know that we have strayed a bit from Estara’s original thread, but I appreciate the words and reinforcement.
Concretely, just when I “thought it was safe to go back into the water” (I do hear the JAWS THEME SONG vaguely in my head!!! ), the water, once again got polluted.
I do know that when things begin to concretely improve, financially, last year, I did give thanks and, as I always have, I did share ~ not only the bits of finances that I could with others, but shared, also, my knowledge and teaching skills with those who came to me for help.
Spiritually, I am hanging in for this (yet another) interesting ride and experience,
)
Concretely, I am taking a look at what I might need to do to help keep my family ‘afloat’ financially ~ to just stay physically alive and with a bit of creature comfort in the Concrete Earth Plane Experience! And, concretely, I sometimes wonder if I am “missing signals” misinterpreting messages, while at the same Time Trusting in Self to KNOW What is right for Self.
(as much as I need the $$, I turned away a couple for a wedding because it felt wrong within SELF – and the money was not incentive enough to go against “my gut” ~ A test, perhaps…and isn’t it all?!!!
OK…and I admit it…once in a while, during one of those weaker moments when I am figuring out how to rob Peter to pay Paul, or one of the few events that I do have scheduled for the year cancels (they broke up!) or I “dovetail” out a willing-to-pay client because I know that it is a bad fit and bad energy, I do wonder, if The Universe takes naps and misses some stuff!!!! Or if I am!!!!!
Life can be a roller coaster ride in the dark fun house!
And, ain’t it a blast!!!!
May 17th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Rimuna,
Sorry I didn’t respond to you this morning, I just had to go to work.
What I wanted to say is that I am so glad for you that you are able to appreciate your larger chunk of available time & energy coinciding with your mother’s illness. With all the earth-planey responsibilities and emotions going on surrounding a family illness, I know that that can be one of the hardest times to look up and see the bigger picture.
As for why the Universe hasn’t provided the rest, that is something that someone else could probably never fully answer for you, to your satisfaction. All I can say is to ask Self, and the Universe. Waith is fond of saying that the Universe provides only what we NEED. If your definition of NEED is different from what is manifesting, you can revise your definition, or your timetable, or find out what you have to do to get it yourself. Remember that ultimately, YOU are the Universe, too!
May 19th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Estara ~ your story is beautiful. You have been given a gift from The Universe in two ways, as I see it ~ first, you chose to attend the play by yourself, which is a great Self strengthening behavior and second, by giving away the ticket to an “unknown” person, you were allowed to see the result of your being of service to The Universe ~ unconditionally! YEA!!!
June 6th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Estara, I love your story ~ the symbolism of the open jar will remain with me to remind me to free myself ~ for it truly is Self that keeps me bound in certain areas of my life. It is truly a gift that you were able to see a glimpse of the impact of having that ticket on the woman. Sometimes, we get thrown a bone by The Universe!