Surrender
Turning it Over and Letting Go are two phrases most commonly used when referring to Surrender. Surrender ~ a difficult task to say the least, yet as I have found over the years, one that is essential to our spiritual well being. What makes it difficult is an almost inherent need to control ~ especially people and negative behaviors we have nurtured over time.
Parents raising children do their best to steer their offspring in, what they consider to be, the best direction. Values and positive behaviors are transferred to the best of a parent’s ability. The need to protect, guide and guard are very strong. Then the time comes when the child leaves, the parent must let go, surrender control and trust that the young person will do what he/she needs to do ~ and, that ultimately, positive decisions will be made. This is, of course, easier said than done.
Attitudes and behaviors are also hard to surrender, especially those that have been nurtured over time. Resentments fall into this category. It is amazing to me how easy it is to hold onto resentments, to feed them, watch them take root and grow beyond reason. I believe that resentments usually have at their core, or as their cause, one of the traditional Seven Deadly Sins ~
Pride ~ shoring up a defense, rather than admit the possibility that we might have made a mistake.
Envy ~ resentments caused by jealousy, plane and simple.
Gluttony ~ any addiction caused by our spiritual malnutrition.
Greed ~ we take more . . . because.
Lust ~ we want more.
Anger ~ caused by worry or unreasonable expectations.
Sloth ~ caused by an unwillingness to do anything.
It can be difficult to surrender to resentments because they have been nurtured, sometimes for as long as one has been aware of Self. Several behaviors can help us to Surrender ~
* Naming and/or claiming a specific person, situation or behavior.
* Going within Self, reflecting and humbly seeking relief from negative energy and unhealthy control.
* Patience, being willing to wait, and wait some more.
Denial and the need to control, which coupled with impatience, blocks the flow The Universe needs for what I believe is a process ~ the Surrending Process. Surrender is essential for our spiritual health. Holding onto those situations that generate negative energy can provide a savory feast of Self righteous and Self pitying behavior and even may seem fulfilling ~ however, what we are eating is Self and the skeleton at the end of the feast is Self.
Posted in -Barjan, Contributing Writers | October 3, 2006
October 4th, 2006 at 8:04 pm
Barjan, your article also reminded me of an analogy ~ how difficult it is to pull out all of the dandelion root ~ if you leave just a tiny bit, before you know it, up pops another whole plant! Resentment is like that ~ it holds on!
An interesting thing has been going on at work along the lines of your topic (surprise, surprise!). I have been trying to help someone at work let go of resentments she has ~ she goes on and on all day about certain things ~ she feels she was slighted by so and so, that such and such action was aimed specifically at her, etc.
Yesterday, she was very upset about something and I asked her what it was. She told me that she was upset that she had just found out that she didn’t get Stop and Shop gift cards that were handed out last December! She had been on vacation when that happened, but she felt that one should have been held for her, and the fact that it wasn’t proved that she was not “part of the team.” I discovered that many others didn’t get any ~ management didn’t have enough to go around, apparently. (A bad move, if you ask me!)
I realized from all of this back and forth that the root of all this resentment she is holding (and yes, I am holding the mirror at myself as well!) is really a lack of Respect of Self. Sometimes we think things that occur are all about us ~ which can seem egotistical, but really is stemming, I believe, from an insecurity and lack of self worth.
Increasing Self Respect is a lifelong growth/struggle for me, as I know it is for many others. Thanks Barjan, for reminding me that letting go is a key part of that growth!
October 4th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
Solara, you have reinforced Barjan’s words! Thank you both for bringing to the forefront this important component of growth.
October 5th, 2006 at 10:35 am
What a wonderful article, Barjan. I believe this “letting-go thing” can last for many lifetimes ~ and once resolution is achieved for a particular matter, it is firmly imprinted in the map of our soul, giving us the strength to take on more stuff to eventually surrender, until finally we are with The One.
I, for one, hold onto stuff much longer than I should, but I’m working on it, as I guess we ALL are. Sometimes I think I am way out of balance here. But the pendulum swings far when we are in the extreme of a learning curve.
October 5th, 2006 at 8:44 pm
A great article Barjan. Denial or not recognizing an issue is absolutely right on.
As for the 7 Deadly Sins - they can at times be our best friends towards motivating a change and/or finding balance. Let me play Devil’s Advocate
Pride: That warm feeling inside when your child accomplishes something. Then you find out that a 35 out of 100 wasn’t so great and you laugh at yourself.
Envy: To see a co-employee getting extra benefits because they are performing well. In response you push your boundaries and become a better employee to get the same benefits.
Gluttony: Yum Yum. Then off to the gym.
Greed: You want more money so you spend more time seeking out better investments and are driven to watch them in hopes of making more.
Lust: To be motivated enough about something (or someone) to go from couch potato to a person of action.
Anger: Something you’ve been burying comes to the surface and you vent it and get a hint that something’s up.
Sloth: Not to be afraid to put your feet up after a hard day’s work.
I think a little dose of the Deadly Sins can sometimes prove deadly for avoiding issues!
Solara - I love that story about the Stop and Shop gift card!